The continuum of feeling connected and keeping the distance in coaching

And 8 ways to train this coaching balance for our clients and ourselves in a safe and ethical responsible way

Two people enter a room. They are there. And very often they aren’t. Our minds are wandering around. It is the mind’s purpose to think and explore. And steer us back when we daydream in the car.

Two people are calling each other. They are in on conversation. And very often they aren’t. We listen and at the same time we don’t. We listen to think about the perfect answer at the same time. We listen to give a smart answer, to show authority. Since our minds wander around between our ears and keep them distracted from the real stuff someone is telling us. Since our ego wants us to be someone we show in a very specific way to the public.

In coaching anyways, we listen more with our hearts and souls. The beauty of this growth space isn’t anyways something, we can fully understand with our ears and brains. The tables are turned around in those game-changing moments, where both parties feel the magic energy in entering the same spiritual room. Where we feel understood as a client. This room is vulnerable. You can’t hide your soul and be in full resonance at the same time. You can’t stay outside the experience of being connected when you want to enable the full capacity of growth in this timeless space.

But to vanish in the spirit of someone else and loose yourself minimizes this room of growth again. Our empathy helps us to choose the right words, to feel the other ones, to share emotions. Our mirror neurons grasp what’s really moving us. The real stuff. But loosing ourselves in someone’s emotions is giving up the responsibility we have for our clients at the same time. Having someone’s back in coaching is the ethical obligation we carry.

This continuum is something, we have to check with ourselves again and again and again, as a constant screen during coaching. To keep the connection with ourself as a coach is a promise to our client, that he or she will be safe with us. On this continuum we are dancing the balance between being close and staying grounded in ourselves.

What can we do to foster this balancing strength?

1. Practice meditation on a daily base.
2. Keeping our soul and house clean. Every lie, every inconsistent choice in our lifes carry makes it harder to have a safe surf and know where we leave ourselves. It keeps our souls distracted from listening.
3. Clarify expectations. Coaching does include to help someone to get out of difficult states of minds, like a victim or aggressor-role. It helps to clearly say, we are not here to pity or be angry with someone. Since this isn’t coaching.
4. Keep your heart clean. Love as courageous as you can. Find life in the little things, like doing the dishes with dedication. Get away from cruelty. Don’t let your heart suffer and loose yourself in grief, even it is the hardest lesson in life. Protect this light to shine and walk away from people who try to steal it.
5. Don’t do coaching for the sake of money. In the moment where you have to coach for pure survival, you won’t be available for the real stuff which is going on. You will have probably a hidden agenda. Your client won’t get your full presence.
6. Do the very best for the client. Even it means to recommend another coach. Sometimes you will just feel or recognize that your coachee might incredible benefit from someone you see in front of your inner. Propose a call with this person. Always do what feels right and don’t try to keep this person for yourself. It comes back to keep your heart clean and includes to not hold things back.
7. Always speak your words from this loving heart. They will be in resonance and can unveil the new finding, someone has been desperately searching for years. Sometimes for a life long until you meet.
8. Be kind and patient to yourself. This is a lifelong training.